Monday, September 29, 2008

Here comes the imagination trolley with a bundle of whimsy just for your stupid ass!

Dear Grapefruit,

Stop it. You're not a grape. You don't look like a grape. You're not anything like a grape. You posses neither the size or shape or physical properties or width or depth or height or length or even the spherical dimensions of a grape. You certainly don't taste like a grape, unless it was a grape that got raped by a radioactive lemon and mutated. The contents of the world's biggest sugarbowl couldn't erase the fact that you're a sour-tasting imposter, and to be honest, I'm not even sold on the fruit part.

With deep regards of sincerity forever,
Produce Manager on LSD

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